when it becomes to much
by secret-identity-revealed
Summary: when everything over whelmes merlin and he blows up in arthurs face. Angst and attempted suicide


This is currently a short one shot, but I am willing to continue it if I get reviews telling me you want me to! Reviews are what keep me going!

Angst and attempted suicide

Disclaimer:I do not own Merlin

Arthur could not believe what he was seeing.

Merlin had not come to wake him up so he was late for practice. So he decided to go wake Merlin up and rant at him.

But instead of getting a good laugh after throwing some water on Merlin to wake him up Arthur found Merlin standing on the edge of the window sill crying, obviously thinking of jumping out the window to the floor 5 stories down. He would splatter like a bug.

Arthur didn't want to startle his friend so he talked in a very calm and soft voice. Well at least he was going to before he got interrupted by his Knights barging into the room. Most likely looking for him because he was late for practice. They came in laughing but as soon as they saw Merlin they froze and went silent.

By now Merlin had seen them and was crying even harder and shaking.

"Merlin, mate, what are you doing?" Gawain yelled out, he was obviously drunk and didn't feel the tension in the room.

When Merlin didn't even turn around Arthur decided to try. He slowly walked closer to Merlin and talked to him in a causious soft calming voice "Merlin, why don't you come down from there and we can talk." This caught his attention but it did not get the result Arthur wanted.

"I am sorry Arthur, but you know that I never listen to orders" Merlin replied through sobs in a shaky voice and then jumped.

Arthur jumped after him and grabbed his hand. Arthur would later look back at this moment and thank the years of training to get the quick reflexes he had.

So here they were, Arthur hanging half way out the 5th story window holding his servants hand while he was hanging, and he was trying to push Arthur hand off his to make him let go! Luckily Arthur is a lot stronger than Merlin and he pulled him up and in the window pushing his in one of the chairs that was near them and grabbing a rope from the table to tie him down to prevent him from trying again.

Merlin struggled for a few minuets against the bonds but found it useless so now he just sits there his his head hanging down with his eyes closed. When the Knights had come out of their shock which had sobered Gawain up a bit they started to all talk at the same time. But they are in some way or another said "what was that?" "What's wrong Merlin?". Merlin didn't respond, he didn't even move his head. Not until Arthur said "did a sorcerer do this to you?" To that Merlin kept his head down but he started chuckling, not his normal fun happy laugh, a dark, almost scary, non humorous chuckle. And whispered through a hoarse voice "sort of, in a way".

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Arthur was trying to stay calm and collected but he always looses control of his anger when it come to magic and it hurting him or his friends.

"I did it to myself. So I guess magic did do it." It took a few minuets for them all to figure out what that meant. But when they did they all sat down and huffed. "Merlin, are you saying that you practice magic?" Arthur said though shock.

Merlin responded with that creepy chuckle again and said "no, I do not practice magic" and Arthur gave a relieved gasp along with the rest of the Knights before Merlin continued "I AM magic."

"Excuse me? What did you say?" Arthur asked, he know what he heard but didn't want to believe it. "I am magic, magic is me. Arthur, I am the king of the Druids, and rule over all magic. I am the very thing you despise." Merlin said this while looking Arthur straight in the eyes with a cold, hard, icy stare." Arthur was take back but this. The man he was not the Merlin he knew. This man didn't have the happy ear to ear smile he always wore, or the sparkle in his eye. This man had cold, hard, dead eyes and wore a smirk that he never wanted to see on Merlin ever. He was shocked that Merlin had magic but he still cared about him. "Ok. But why did you try to jump out the window?"

Merlin let out a cackle at this "come on Arthur! Why do you think? It all your fault!" When Arthur looked at him with a expression that clearly said that he had no idea what Merlin meant. "Arthur, I am terrified. That's why! I can't live like this anymore! I can't live in constant fear that I will be found out and executed here in Camelot! I can't live with the stress that I will fail my destiny! I can't live with the stress of being Emrys and always haveing the risk of messing up and hurting someone! I am the most powerful magic used to ever live or who will ever live! I am a dragon lord! I have so many ways I could mess up and get so many people killed! It would be better if i wasn't here! After all aren't you the one always going on about how magic is evil! So what does that make me? I am magic! I am what magic is! So givin your theory doesn't that make me evil?" Merlin yelled at Arthur, tears streaming down his face again.


End file.
